Download How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk

How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk Paperback

Author: Visit Amazon's John Van Epp Page | Language: English | ISBN: 0071548424 | Format: PDF, EPUB

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From the Back Cover

What the experts are saying

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"An insightful and creative contribution to managing the complexity of choosing a life partner. I heartily recommend it."
--Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find

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"I have never read a book with more practical wisdom for finding real love and a healthy marriage."
--William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage

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"The tool for finding the love of your life. John Van Epp and his RAM model make it possible for you to assess the five key areas when picking a partner."
--Jon Carlson, Psy.D., Ed.D., author of Time for a Better Marriage

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"Don't be part of the 'where-was-this-book-when-I-needed-it?' crowd. It's not too late--read it now!"
--Pat Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy

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. It's happened to everyone: you meet someone and fall madly in love and all good judgment and perspective are thrown out the window--until slowly you realize this person isn't who you thought he or she was. Use the proven program used by thousands of singles worldwide--and break the destructive dating patterns that have prevented your happiness in the past.

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Based on years of research on marital and premarital happiness, this guide maximizes your potential of finding �the one� by giving you the tools to focus on the crucial characteristics of a loving, lasting relationship.

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These easy-to-use techniques will help you:

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• Ask the right questions to inspire meaningful, revealing conversations with your partner .
• Analyze your partner's level of conscientiousness--considered the window to the soul.
• Judge character based on compatibility, relationships skills, friends, and patterns from family and previous relationships.
• Resolve your own emotional baggage so you're ready for a healthy relationship.
• Open your eyes to problems in the relationship and stop giving a jerk too many chances.
• Identify--and break--destructive dating patterns that prevent you from finding a life partner.

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Years of clinical research along with observations from his own private practice have inspired Dr. John Van Epp to develop universally applicable, proven strategies to navigate the complexities of love. His foolproof method will help you determine exactly what the person you date will be like as a spouse so you can spot the gem among the jerks.

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--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

John Van Epp, Ph.D., conducts seminars and workshops worldwide on marriage and relationships. His popular video program, “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk,” is being taught by certified instructors internationally in thousands of churches, singles organizations, educational and agency settings, and throughout the military. Visit his website at www.johnvanepp.com.

Books with free ebook downloads available Download How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk Paperback

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (February 27, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0071548424
• ISBN-13: 978-0071548427
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)

[Update: As another reviewer has noted, "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" and "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk" are the same books with different titles.]

Given that a choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important influences on a person's quality of life, you would think that people would want to know all there is to know about making that choice. So, what's wrong with just falling in love and getting married?

According to Van Epp, people are at their best before they get married--and how happy you are when you are dating is the ceiling for how happy you can be in marriage. Don't expect it to get better.

The relationships between each individual and their parents strongly influence a couple's relationship after the wedding. This new way of relating within the relationship kicks in after the marriage begins--when the role is no longer lovers and best friends, but husband and wife. So, you are marrying the person who relates to their parents in a certain way, and that way strongly influences the way that person will relate to you. Van Epp shows how one can explore this before marriage and possibly change the dynamic.

Although the book is titled so that you would think that it is about not marrying a jerk, it is and it isn't. There is a part that says people have a code of what is right and wrong and an enforcer of that code within them. Some people may have an enforcer that is inactive or hardly involved. Some people may have a code that is unacceptable. Some people may have a great code of ethics and standard of behavior, but never make themselves follow it. I suspect that those who have a bad code of acceptable behavior or a bad enforcer of a good code would be considered jerks.

This is one of those books people wish they would have read, but didn't. In my case, I probably could have saved my ex-wife a lot of grief if I'd had this book to give her so many years ago....

Many books provide a list of "10 foolproof steps" at the one extreme (simplistic) or an exhausting checklist at the other. Van Epp takes a different approach. He identifies six general techniques you can use to identify a jerk before you make the mistake of marrying this person. He also provides a tool, called the Relationship Attachment Model (RAM), which has proven itself over many years of application. In fact, the RAM forms the central concept behind applying the six techniques.

One of the problems with self-help books for singles seeking a mate is you have to remain objective to be able to apply the tools, tips, and techniques suggested in the book. Once a relationship is underway, doing that is difficult or impossible. We either filter out negative information and later think, "I shoulda seen that coming" or we ruin the relationship by constantly judging and appraising the other person.

Epps takes these issues head on. First, the RAM allows you to pace the progression of a relationship. Without going into much detail, I'll just say Epps makes a compelling case for the sequence of know, trust, rely, commit, touch that the RAM is based on. And rather than leave us with a simplistic model, he explores its application for all stages of a dating relationship.

Second, Epps provides several case histories on the rose-colored glasses problem that occurs when we proceed too rapidly with our feelings. He identifies why this happens, and provides specific guidelines on how to handle it.

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